Balancing commitment to self and others

Fridge Philosophy looks at push and pull between ambition and service.

ambition and helping others

Note: Since 2018, I have placed these short quotes on our refrigerator at home to provide subtle hints for successful, thoughtful, and purposeful practices in hopes my teens would internalize them. Along the way, I found them helpful in my own life.

Robin Sharma wrote the bestselling parable self-help and leadership book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.

Time and commitment is a finite resource. We often get ourselves into trouble when we either put too much on our plates and overcommit, or we shut everyone out and devote ourselves to a vision and goal.

Michael Jordan is a six-time NBA champion and a legend who is widely considered the greatest basketball player ever. But if you read books about him or watch the docuseries The Last Dance, about his life and career with the Chicago Bulls, you see how his relentless ambition played out in relationships with teammates, his coaches, and his adversaries. He comes off as kind of a jerk and while I admire his achievements, would I seek him out as a friend? Nope.

Recent research shows that individuals move more toward extreme ambition when people felt they have been unjustly disadvantaged or have grievances or resentments. People will look for ways to give their situation a boost as they seek significance. In Jordan’s case, he took any slight, comment, look, and used that as fuel to work harder and win. In other cases, these grievances can lead to pushing aside others to achieve what they want. To the extreme ambitious person, there is a justification for the action.

But on the other extreme, can you give so much of yourself that you lose yourself in the process? Do we risk spreading ourselves too thin and instead of truly being there, can only offer surface attention to others and ourselves?

When we help too much, it can be cause the opposite effect of the good feelings we have when we lend a helping hand. We can become disengaged, overwhelmed and/or decommitted. (Manager Mint Media). I personally have been there several times. The cyle goes as such. I want to help. I show an interest and show up and show some competence. Immediately, I’m asked to provide leadership. So, I’m doing way more than I initially budgeted. I get overwhelmed, sometimes resentful. And I count the days when I can step away from the commitment. That’s not fair to anyone.

Sharma gives us a way to balance ambition and commitment. When your heart is full, when you are generous with gratitude and love, there is little room for grievance. It is difficult to discard humanity when you genuinely care for the person next to you. Ambition moves away from a zero-sum game where in order for me to win, you have to lose. Good leaders understand that ambition for the whole far outpaces ambition for the individual. Conversely, when you understand your own priorities and goals, you are likely to set boundaries and have clarity when those boundaries are reached.

This balance is so important as we navigate our lives. This world almost demands ambition. We have to push forward toward what we want because the world rewards that action. On the other hand, humanity demands we help others and look out for each other.

We must be warriors and saints.

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Lose Yourself: Out April 2

It’s The Final Game of the Season…

All Star Brett Austen has a chance to secure the first .400 batting average for a season in more than 80 years. But increasing pressure and his own hubris threaten the apex of his career.

Meanwhile…

A sideline reporter wrestles with a choice between career and her mom in crisis.

A retiring usher takes in his final game before moving in with his son’s family.

A lanky 15-year-old can’t understand his future stepdad while pining for a girl from school.

A lemonade vendor agonizes over a big score to settle gambling debts and fulfill his daughter’s dreams.

An adult daughter navigates uncomfortable family dynamics at home while her father lies in hospice.

Will their choices meet the moment?

Character Profile: Fred Stephenson

Fred made appearances in the short story The Donut Shop and the final chapter of The Intern.

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