Short Fiction: Confronting the Shadows
Unearthing the Haunting Consequences of Past Unkindness
Author Note:
Kyle is a minor character in Friends In Low Places, appearing in the bachelor party chapter.
By Vince Wetzel
Kyle discarded his suitcase next to the bed in his suite, strode to the desk and unshouldered his backpack before looking out the window.
Not bad.
His latest client had put him up in a two-room corner suite overlooking the L.A. Harbor in San Pedro, CA. On one side, a view of the waterfront and the endless shipping cranes that unloaded cargo for the West Coast. On the other side, a bustling street with shops, bars, restaurants. No doubt, the people to whom he was speaking tomorrow were having dinner and drinks and would be hungover from his talk. That was ok. He got paid regardless of how the attendees were feeling.
In fact, Kyle figured his spoken words would resonate more with those who had made poor choices the night before. As a professional speaker, motivating people to take ownership of their own lives and success was his schtick. And for those who walked in with bloodshot eyes or embarrassed glances at the person with whom they shared a bed the night before, they were his biggest fans after his fifty-minute talk. Whether or not they implemented his strategies and tactics a week later was not his problem. Just as long as he received good reviews and the people who invited him to speak were happy, he was good.
He plopped down on the couch in the living room. He looked around. This room was bigger than his first apartment. The TV was bigger than his first refrigerator. There was a mini-bar full of bad choices and, per his instructions, his own personal coffee dispenser with quality joe from a nearby roastery.
Being on the road for more than 80 speaking engagements in a year put a toll on the body and consistent rest. Though he made enough to fly first class and stay in top-notch hotels, his sleep cycle was supplemented by endless cups of coffee. He loved the black liquid. He always took it with a bit of half-and-half. He tried to limit himself, but he found that he often lost count of the number of cups he drank in a day. Maybe a pot, maybe two. He knew there was an addiction tied to it, but it kept him going.
He pulled a cup – he calculated his eighth – and sat down to let everyone know he was at his destination. His first text was to Alicia, his wife. She’d be happy he was where he needed to be.
Kyle: Here at the hotel. Nice view of the water.
He took a picture of the waterfront and hit send.
Three bubbles immediately appeared.
Alicia: Looks nice. FaceTime later? Kids really miss you.
Kyle: Definitely. How about in an hour. Let me get settled first.
Alicia gave a thumbs up. Kyle’s schedule was hardest on Alicia. They had four kids, ages seven, five, three and one. Even with a live-in nanny, Alicia was always complaining about Kyle’s work schedule and how she was managing the domestic life on her own. Didn’t she realize that it was these trips that helped with paying for the nanny, the facials, the shopping trips, and the family trips to exotic locations?
His next text was to his assistant Tim before taking a shower to wash away the anxiety he always felt while traveling. It was only after the shower could he be present in his current city, space, and the next day’s presentation.
Kyle: Here. They lined me up in a great suite overlooking the water. And they provided coffee. Love it when they take the contract seriously.
Kyle attached the same pic he sent Alicia.
Tim: Oh Good. They should. I make a point to remind them several times. Don’t want a repeat of St. Louis.
Kyle laughed. In St. Louis, the hotel had the typical hotel Keurig with a box of Keurig pods. Kyle hated those pods. He hated them so much he threw the pods against the window.
Tim: Just got off the phone with the client. Their executives are having drinks in the Presidential Suite on the other side of the floor. They want you to join them.
Kyle: I just got here. I haven’t even had time to take a shower.
Tim: They know. They saw you come in. That’s why they want you over now. They want to meet you before they go out to dinner and drinks. If you don’t catch them now, you won’t see them until the meeting.
Kyle: Then I can see them then.
Tim: I tried. But they want you over there now.
Kyle sighed and looked out the window. They were paying him a hell of a lot of money. Kyle did the mental calculus in his head. He could pop over for a few minutes, thirty minutes tops and then he could come back, get his needed shower, before talking to Alicia and the kids, getting room service and going to bed.
Kyle: OK. Tell them I’ll be over in five. Let me review the notes on their company and then I’ll be over.
He pulled another cup of coffee from the carafe and went to his leather shoulder bag to pull out his laptop. As he lifted it from the leather bag, his thumb snagged on the strap, and he released his grip enough for the laptop to slip. He brought his hand – still holding the cup of coffee – around on instinct to recover. The coffee, the cup, and the laptop all went flying against the living room wall.
Fuck, Kyle thought.
He rushed to the floor to check out the damage. The laptop was splayed open, dark brown dripping down the screen, in the keys, and into the vents. Kyle picked up the laptop, pulled it from the offending cup, as though it was a truant and a bad influence on the laptop and went to the bathroom for a towel. Kyle laid the laptop on the desk and pushed the power button while he defiled the bleached white towel wiping up the liquid.
The laptop didn’t turn on. Well, the power light flickered. The screen flicked. Then, it went dark again.
Fuck
All of Tim’s notes were saved on the laptop. A brief of the company, pictures and bios of the execs, including personal topics for Kyle to endear himself to the executives. After all, most of his clients were referrals. He was thankful he had already provided his slide deck, and he knew the presentation and could almost conjure it up onto the screen behind me.
Kyle: Tim, I just fried my laptop. Send the executive brief to my phone.
Tim: Kyle, I’m sorry. The brief is on my desktop and I’m out of pocket
Kyle ran his fingers through his hair. A pulse started to hit the back of his head. Without the intelligence and background he used to his advantage, he’d have to wing it. He picked up the cup off the floor and replaced his coffee and sipped it.
Kyle: At least give me something I can use in this meet-and-greet
Tim: The main contact who’s texting me is Dante Mendoza. He’s their VP of Communications. Another contact is Susan Alexander. She’s their Public Affairs Manager. She’s the one who first reached out and with whom I worked on your contract. The room is 731.
Thumbs up emoji.
He drained the cup and walked down the hall to the twin of his suite. Voices and even a light beat of the music permeated the door. Dante Mendoza’s name sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place how.
He knocked. A woman, in her late 30s and wearing a sleek cocktail dress opened the door with a large smile. This was Susan Alexander. He smiled and acknowledged how Tim said it was a pleasure working with her. Kyle expressed his gratitude to speak to the company. She was impressed he knew her and vowed to take her around to the executives and have him meet Dante Mendoza.
“Dante says you and he went to UC Santa Barbara together,” Susan said.
Kyle conjured up four years of bad choices and hazy memories. The name seemed more familiar now, but was he in the same class? The same freshman dorm? As Susan brought Kyle around the corner to the other room in the suite, he recognized Dante Mendoza instantly. It was UC Santa Barbara. Dante had pledged Kyle’s fraternity. This was a time when Kyle was not the kindest person and in fact was kind of a dick. Looking back, he wasn’t proud of this time, but there was nothing he could do about it now. As Dante turned and saw Kyle, his eyes turned cold for a moment before they smiled. Kyle smiled back.
“UCSB, right?” Kyle asked. “You pledged my frat.”
“Yes, I did. But as you know, I didn’t make it.”
“Really?”
Kyle tried to feign ignorance, but Dante saw right through it, his smile turned, and his stare ice cold. Kyle recognized this wasn’t a random company speaking engagement. This was part of a plan from Dante.
“Don’t bullshit me,” Dante said. “You blackballed me for no reason.”
Susan looked at the two of them, her smile tightened. Things just got awkward. She was looking for a way to exit herself out of the conversation.
“Kyle, do you need a beer, wine?” Susan said.
“Water’s fine,” Kyle said. He kept his eyes on Dante, who continued to glare.
As Susan left to get Kyle’s water. Dante leaned into Kyle.
“I laughed when Susan suggested you be our keynote speaker,” he said. “I knew you were a slick fraud back in school.”
“We’re a lot different than we were in college.”
“I watched your Ted Talks. I saw as you walked in here. You haven’t changed.”
“If you hate me so much, then why give me a contract to speak to your company?”
"I wanted to see your face as I cancel you.”
More flashes of UCSB crossed Kyle’s mind. He took part in a bunch of hazing. There was paddling. There was forced consumption of baby food in diapers. There were eggs smashed on top of heads. But that was all stupid college crap and thank goodness there was no digital footprint of those events. But then he remembered a photo of Halloween. A look of dread crossed his face.
“Now you remember,” Dante said. “The Jackson Five costumes don’t look so great now do they?”
It wasn’t so much the costumes. It was the heavy application of bronzer he and his buddies put on their faces. Even though this poor choice was made twenty-five years ago, it would damage, if not end, his career. It took everything Kyle head to keep standing straight and focused on Dante.
“I can cancel,” Kyle said.
“Even better. Breach of contract and I can share why.”
Susan reappeared with his water. Kyle thanked her but excused himself.
“You know, I want to get some rest. I’m going to head back to my room if it’s ok,” Kyle said. “I’ll see you in the morning. Nice to see you again Dante.”
Kyle took the water, left the party and pushed himself into his own suite. He felt a tightness in his chest and his head began to sweat. Was this the end of his career? How did Dante have proof and why would he humiliate him like that? Each thought spiraled to the next, so much so, he struggled to remember how to operate the lock to his suite.
He hoped the solitude of his room would relieve this oncoming anxiety. But as the door closed and he made a beeline to the bathroom to splash water on his face, his breathing was still labored. The cold sweat continued even with the cool water against him. He couldn’t move. Kyle sunk to the ground. His body tightened and he had this feeling that he could die. The only natural position he felt was to lay down on the bathroom floor. Kyle felt this fear of being a fraud engulf him and darkness surrounded him and began to close in. He didn’t know what to do. If he was dying, maybe it would be preferable. He began to weep and couldn’t stop.
He felt a buzz in his pants. It was his phone. Kyle summoned concentration from his fear and fished his phone from his pocket. On the screen read Alicia. He couldn’t let her see her like this. He couldn’t let her hear him like this. But he needed help, and it was either she or Tim.
He pressed answer but kept off the camera. He didn’t say anything.
“Kyle? Why isn’t your camera on?”
“It’s happening again,” Kyle said.
“What?”
“I’m on the floor and can’t move,”
“It’s okay Kyle, you’re going to be okay. It’s a panic attack. You’ve been through it before. Where are you now? Are you safe. Are you alone?”
“In my room on the floor.”
“I love you. We love you. Everything is going to be fine. Do you have your pills?”
Kyle only moaned in the affirmative. They were above him on the bathroom counter. He reached up, his hands blindly grasping for his toiletry bag where he kept them. He rarely used them, but they were always at the ready just in case the need arose.
“Do you need the kids to say hi?”
Kyle nodded, and even without verbal confirmation, he saw her stand up and carry the phone down the hall and into the children’s playroom. He used that time to open the bottle and pull out two of the pills.
“Hi Daddy,” said Travis. His seven-year-old son’s face filled the screen. “Why can’t I see you.”
“I don’t look too good right now Travis.”
“Do you look ugly? Or wrinkly like Yoda?” Travis had just watched Star Wars.
“Don’t worry about Daddy. He just wants to hear how much you love him.”
“Oh, I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you Daddy,” Kyle heard two other voices come through the speaker. They belonged to his five-year-old John, and the squeak from his three-year-old daughter Kimmie.
Kyle felt the grip around his chest loosen. Even though the drugs hadn’t kicked in, seeing his kids and the knowledge that the pharmaceuticals would soon bring relief allowed him to breathe again. The symptoms released but the root cause of the issue still remained. How was he going to deal with this Dante problem? If he had the photo of him in black face, he could be finished. The business, the career, and the lifestyle that he had created over the last twenty years would be destroyed. He already regretted those choices he made long ago, but now he wished he could be like old Biff Tannon in Back To The Future 2 and smack himself in the back of his head.
“Kyle? You There? Do you need me to call 9-1-1?”
“No, I’m doing better. Just needed to hear you all. But Alicia, something’s going to come out that’s very embarrassing about my days in college. In fact, it could end my business as a paid speaker.”
“Oh my God, what?” Alicia asked.
Kyle explained the fraternity, Dante, and the costume. He expressed deep remorse for his mistakes, but he knew that it didn’t mean much in today’s charged climate. He wasn’t a saint, but he wasn’t the devil either.
“What am I going to do?” He was at a loss.
Alicia sat in silence looking away from the phone before turning her attention back to Kyle, her eyes focused on the camera.
“What would you say to yourself if you were a client or someone who provided this problem to you?”
“I’d say you’re fucked,” I semi joked, but I understood what she was saying.
“Daddy said a bad word,” John said.
“Mommy, what does fucked mean?” Kimmie said
“Now Kimmie said a bad word,” John stated with a giggle.
Alicia put her hand to her head and rubbed her temple. If Kyle was trying to get her support, he was not helping himself by encouraging his children to curse through example.
“Kyle, I don’t need this right now,” she said. “Nor do you. Seriously, what advice would you give yourself?”
As he spoke with Alicia, he regained control, and a plan began to form in his mind. Hiding from his mistakes would only make it worse. Indeed, mistakes have consequences and there many times there aren’t statutes of limitations. He would need to own this.
“Alicia, I don’t know how this is going to play out. It could blow up. We could lose income for a while. Or it may be a blip. I’m sorry for what I did, and you need to know I’m not that person anymore.”
“I know you,” Alicia said. “What you did was not right, but who you are today shouldn’t be defined by it. We’ll get through this. And would it be so bad if you took a break? And cut down on the coffee?”
Kyle laughed. Cutting coffee and getting some help for his anxiety would help him reset. Isn’t that what he talked about during his talks? It was time to own his choices, not just the current ones, but the ones made decades ago. Painful as it was, moving forward meant acknowledging the past.
“Kyle, are you going to be OK?”
“Yeah. Get ready. Shit may hit the fan. But if you’re by me, we can weather it.”
“Of course. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Kyle ended the call and stood up, the momentary panic subsiding. He looked outside his room. Things would change after tomorrow. But like he told thousands of people in hotel ballrooms across the country, owning that change was the step to taking control of your life and moving forward.
With one of the nondescript walls behind him, Kyle held his phone up, pulled up his camera app and pressed record.
“You’ve heard me talk about ownership is the first step to taking control of your life. I was reminded today how that not only means your present, but your past, even instances twenty-five years in the past. We all like to laugh off the stupid stuff we did in college. But sometimes they have consequences and I want to tell you about something in my past that was a mistake that I’m owning today...”
Copyright 2024. Vince Wetzel and OT Press
Side of Mustard
Rewatch: Band of Brothers
This year marks the 80-year anniversary of the D-Day Invasion, one of the single-most defining moments of modern history. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be conducting my own rewatch of this Emmy Award-winning series, share my impressions, insights I’ve learned through listening to the Band of Brothers rewatch Podcast with Roger Bennett (produced in 2021) and encourage participation now that it’s available on Netflix.
Episode 2: Day of Days
Eighty years ago yesterday,160,000 men stormed the beaches of Normandy. It was the greatest land assault in history and its success was due to the courage and bravery of young men. Paratroopers from the 101st Airborne were dropped into enemy territory with the objective of eliminating the guns that could destroy the forces storming the beach.
This episode focuses on Winters as he and Easy Company are deployed through the air to Normandy. Many of them missed the drop zone and had to reconnect, find their bearings and still accomplish their objectives. In the second half of the episode, Winters takes a small patrol to take out three key German guns from the position. Using innovative tactics that are taught by the military today, Winters destroyed the guns.
Having watched Band of Brothers before, I know the amount of pain, heartbreak, and insanity the men will need to endure, so this episode feels more like a prototypical action movie. They are mostly successful in attaining their objective and by the end, you think Winters is a badass (which he is), Easy Company is going to kick ass and the Germans are no match.
Young actor alert: Andrew Scott (Sherlock, Ripley) plays xxx, a young private who finds Winters on the ground after the jump, then Joins Easy Company to take out the cannons. Scott found the shoot difficult, partly because he didn’t participate in the Company boot camp, where much of the comradery was already established
Podcast nugget: This was screenwriter John Orloff’s first professional screenwriting gig. He had written a Shakespeare In Love-era screenplay that got the attention of Tom Hanks. Over a conversation, Orloff shared his love of World War II history. A couple of months later, Hanks invited him to write this episode.
Episode 3: Carentan
This episode focus on Private Albert Blithe (Marc Warren) as he struggles with the brutality of war. This episode showed how a soldier has to flip a switch away from civilized society and that to war. There is no questioning why you shoot. You must shoot in order to survive. A poignant quote that encapsulates the episode comes from Lieutenant Ronald Speers (Matthew Settle):
The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse.
Podcast nugget: In the podcast interview, retired Marine Captain Dale Dye, who was the consultant on the miniseries (also with Saving Private Ryan), shared his disdain for how Hollywood used to inaccurately portray military operations on film. So much so, after he left the military, he went to Hollywood to become a military consultant. After a few years of not getting meetings with any studios or directors, he managed to get a meeting with Oliver Stone, who was set to direct Platoon. Dye pleaded with Stone to bring authenticity to the soldiers’ stories. Stone agreed and after Platoon won numerous Academy Awards, Dye hasn’t been out of work since.