What about your friends...
April's Fridge Philosophy looks at friendships and their role in our lives.
Note: Since 2018, I have placed these short quotes on our refrigerator at home to provide subtle hints for successful, thoughtful, and purposeful practices in hopes my teens would internalize them. Along the way, I found them helpful in my own life.
The cover photo for this post is moments after my best friend Scott drove more than four hours to visit me for my book launch of Friends in Low Places in 2021. To say I was surprised was an understatement. He didn’t have to be there. A simple “Good Luck tonight” text would have been a surprise dose of encouragement.
Thomas Aquinas, an Italian Dominican friar and priest and an influential philosopher and theologian, shares how friendship enhances life. Visiting locales, experiencing great beauty, or taking a great adventure may be wonderful to partake on one’s own but having a friend makes the experience even better.
Recently, there has been several studies showing Americans having a dwindling number of friendships. According to the American Perspectives Survey (2021), the number of friendships Americans report to having has dropped significantly. Nearly half of Americans (49 percent), report to having three or fewer friends, while a third (36 percent) report to having between four and nine. Compare that to 1990, when 27 percent of Americans said they had three or fewer close friends, while a third reported having 10 or more close friends. The 2021 study said 12 percent of the public had no friends, compared to 3 percent in 1990.
I wrote the first chapter of Friends in Low Places on a plane heading to meet a buddy and watch a Texas A&M football game. My interest in Aggie football was tangental, but I heard it was truly unique and my friend was excited. As I was on the plane and the wifi was out, I had an idea for a novel. On the flight, I banged out the first chapter, which is pretty close to the final draft in the book.
Friends In Low Places is a book about the bonds of friendship. It’s the story of five friends who go on the same camping trip every year for two decades. Over time, their focus changes from meeting girls and drinking beer, to sharing about family, ambition, regrets, and their meaning to each other.
It’s a very personal book, fed by my own experiences with friends over the years. Friendships are organisms unto themselves. They require care and nurture. They require attention and genuine interest. And true friendships bring benefits ten-fold. (To be fair, I am talking true friendships where that same attention care is returned, not the ones that are surface and can be draining.)
In a recent Substack post,
in the Bookbear Express, shared these insights:I think that relationships become good when we work on them continuously for a long period of time. Friends don’t exist just to make you feel like you have friends when you need them. There’s the work of maintenance, there’s the need to be there at the birthdays and engagements and breakups and dinners, there are the conversations that have to be had, negotiations and renegotiations.
Friendships take work and care, but the great ones don’t feel like work and care. They just are, because you’re invested in the person, and, of course I’m going to drive more than four hours to support your book launch. Or, Of course I’m going to make it a priority to be there for you when you lose a parent. Or, You’re turning 50 and you want me to show up at 6 a.m. and watch college football all day? I’m there.
Last week, I launched my second novel Lose Yourself. Once again, I was blown away by the support of my friends. Many posted links to the book on their own social media, encouraging their networks to buy. Others, including a friend I made in kindergarten, came out to my book launch in my hometown. I received so many texts and notes of support, I cherish these opportunities to connect.
I am filled with gratitude and appreciation for these friendships. The research shows they are becoming more and more rare. Therefore, it’s important to invest in the good ones as much as we can. They provide our lives with more memories, more instances of joy, greater comfort through pain, expanding insights into life, and, according to Aquinas, the greatest pleasures.
Like Fridge Philosophies? Check out more in the Fridge Philosophy Section.
Both of my books are available for purchase:
Friends In Low Places (2021)
How strong are the bonds of friendship?
In his debut novel, Vince Wetzel explores the evolution of lifelong friendships and how they withstand the strains of human failures.
"A stirring, inspiring celebration of friendship..."The Prairies Book Review
"There is healing in nature, there is reconciliation around the guys that know you best, and the best rejuvenation is 'Friends In Low Places.'" Josh Suchon - author, Miracle Men: Hershiser, Gibson, and the Improbable 1988 Dodgers
"A nostalgic nod to the friendships we hold dear and the kinds of men we've always admired." Jonathan Starke, author of You've Got Something Coming
Jim organized their annual guys trip to the lake. He picked the date. He booked the spot. He even chronicled every adventure over the past 20 years in a ragged notebook. Now, he is a box of ashes that his four closest friends will take up to the lake one last time. Over the course of their final weekend together, they will read Jim's journal through his eyes, reliving their shared laughter, life moments, revelations, and regret while coming to accept their grief.
Friends in Low Places is a funny, poignant, sometimes heartbreaking portrayal of male relationships and the support they provide as boys mature into men.
Lose Yourself (2024)
Six People Struggling With Expectations.
One Baseball Game to Find Their Moment.
It's The Final Game of the Season...
All Star Brett Austen has a chance to secure the first .400 batting average for a season in more than 80 years. But increasing pressure and his own hubris threaten the apex of his career.
Meanwhile...
A sideline reporter wrestles with a choice between career and her mom in crisis.
A retiring usher takes in his final game before moving in with his son's family.
A lanky 15 year old can't understand his future stepdad while pining for a girl from school.
A lemonade vendor agonizes over a big score to settle gambling debts and fulfill his daughter's dreams.
An adult daughter navigates uncomfortable family dynamics at home while her father lies in hospice.
Here's to friends! (cheers with an NA beer ...) Whether they meet in kindergarten, or 9th grade English class, college, work, on the basketball court, cheering at a kid's soccer game, at a wedding, funeral, or a friend of a friend of a friend, this was a great reminder of all of the amazing relationships with which I have been blessed. One might say it is good for the soul to "Lose Yourself" in Friendship!
Very nice post! True friendship is a blessing that needs to be nurtured, cherished and prioritized.