Reimagining Midlife
The understated rite of passage
It hit me the other day. It is the year 2024. This is the year I turn 50.
There is something about the number 50 that is significant. Halfway to 100. Halfway There. And now Living on A Prayer (C’mon, we were all singing in our heads). And as the calendar reminds me that 50 years ago my mother was pregnant with me, I’m not searching for the clichéd Meaning of Life, But I am looking at my spot in the road looking forward and wondering how I want to travel.
Both of my children will soon be away at university and my wife are left with an empty nest. A life transition that we knew was coming is here and another new adjustment. Our conversations are returning to each other, and instead of coordinating parental logistics, we are starting to explore who we are again together and with our own interests.
This new phase is nothing new. It’s just new to me. When I was in high school and college, I remember when my parents turned 50. It seemed so old. After all, I was at the dawn of a new adulthood, nothing but potential in front of me. And my parents were in the midst of making their mark. Their general direction was pretty well set (at least in my mind). I didn’t expect them to change directions so significantly that I didn’t know who they were.
And sure, in theory, I knew I’d be their age someday. But in practicality, it was so long away, the reality was nothing I had to worry about. I look back. It was pre-internet. A career as a sportswriter seemed pretty solid. My only worry was if I could find enough change in my car for a gallon of gas and if I should save the second half of my large pizza for later or just eat the whole thing.
We often talk about a rite of passage for our children and young people in general, but hitting this mid-life point in our lives is significant yet understated. Recently, I listened to two remarkable podcasts that provided me with context of this latest stage in my lifespan.
The Rich Roll podcast (one of my favorites). Rich talked to Chip Conley about the concept of “Middlelescence.” We’re going through hormonal changes (particularly women), but we’re also going through lifestyle changes and we start to question our position in life. Studies show that we bottom out in our happiness in our 40s. For some, we regress (and create a midlife crisis). For others, we find new pursuits, interests and purpose. Conley talks about thinking of this period as a chrysalis. The catepillar consumes and consumes. Then it creates a chrysalis and begins an evolution toward becoming a butterfly. Along the way, life gets messy and gooey, but at the end, it spreads its wings and begins its new journey.
Isn’t that a great way to think about it? Transformation is gooey and messy, but it’s needed in order to meet the new challenges. And it’s an opportunity to learn and grow and make the most of this next phase.
Ten Percent Happier podcast with Dan Harris. Another one of my favorites. His guest Daniel Goleman popularized the term “Emotional Intelligence.” Goleman shared his new book Optimal and how presence and empathy can help optimize performance and avoid burnout. It all comes down to relationships and investing in those that bring you energy and happiness. By being there and fully immersing yourself in those relationships, you get back more than you give.
There are a lot of podcasts out there for self improvement, so these aren’t earth shattering. But they reenforce my intention to lean into relationships moving forward. Less attention on the relationship with my phone and more intention on reaching out and connecting with the people who mean the most to me.
I’ve got half of my adulthood left to go (Assuming I get to 80 and beyond). I’m blessed with time to pursue things (like writing), some disposable income to pursue new experiences (travels with my wife), and good health. When I think about it more, hitting 50 isn’t a dread. It’s exciting. We’re on the cusp of something and I’m looking forward to it.
And I’m glad you’re here with me.
Book Club
I recently had the opportunity to present to a book club Friends in Low Places. I found myself having to bone up on my debut novel and revisit Jim, Rob, Paul, Jesse and MIHO. As you know, they’re still renting space in my head, but revisiting FILP was like flipping through an old yearbook and reminiscing about the old days.
I really enjoyed the discussion. And, I got some criticism, and I loved it. One wished I would have gone deeper into Paul’s issues or Jesse’s situation. I answered, “I know.” I have always felt a little regretful that I gave those storylines a bit short shrift. Who knows? Maybe, I’ll make edits to the book. Maybe, I’ll write some back history on here.
I was just honored to have this group invest in the book and in me. For FILP or for the upcoming Lose Yourself, I’m available to travel within Northern California or to be available through Zoom at your book club. Reach out!
Side of Mustard
Well, I wrote this post as a catch all at the beginning of the week. Then I was inspired by the podcasts and rewrote it all. So, you get my main post as a Side of Mustard!
I was able to pour over some great books, shows, podcasts and more. Here are some of my highlights and if you’re interested, visit your local library, bookstore, streaming service and more!
Favorite Book:
Storyteller, Dave Grohl. Yes, that guy. Front man for the Foo Fighters. Drummer for Nirvana. I was gifted this book and although I enjoy Grohl’s music, reading his memoir wasn’t a top priority. But I read and I am glad I did. Funny, insightful, and an introduction to his life made me appreciate and relate to him more than I thought. This was written before Taylor Hawkins death, so there’s moments of added poignance. When Grohl is ready to tour again, I’ll be looking for tickets.
Other books:
Old Cape Magic, Richard Russo. I liked, but did not love. There are some characters that are so annoying, you want to put it down. But, in the end, I finished.
Novelist as a Vocation, Haruki Murakami. Like Stephen King’s On Writing, this book is part memoir, part process, part do’s and don’ts. Great companion to have on the shelf.
Art of Memoir, Mary Karr. My next project is a faux memoir. Karr’s insistence on diving deeper into personal character, recollections, detail, and passion, will certainly inform me as I continue to write Landslide.
Favorite Podcast:
For this month, I’ll go with Literally with Rob Lowe. Yes, this is celebrity indulgent fodder, but it was a joy to listen to him chat with Robert Downey Jr. They met in History Class at Santa Monica HS at 15 years of age, so there is so much history, 80s notalgia, rebirth and growth to ingest here.
Other podcasts
The Open Mic, Writers in Their Own Words, Richard Ehisen. I’ve been really enjoying this podcast lately as I’m interested in how authors are promoting their books.
Streaming:
Bodies, Netflix: I am not a binger (Can only handle two episodes at a time), but we watched this limited series in four consecutive nights. I always enjoy creative storytelling. The same body, four cops, told in 1890, 1941, 2023, 2052. It gets a little mind-bendy at times, but worth it.
Other streaming
Confess Fletch, Paramount Plus. Jon Hamm takes on the role from Chevy Chase. This adaptation was much closer to the books. Hamm is perfect as Fletch.
Found out that Paramount Plus shows Series A (the pro soccer league in Italy), so I got to see Chelsea Italy… er AC Milan play. Former Chelsea stars Christian Pulisic, Rueben Loftus-Cheek, Oliver Giroud, now play and it has been fun to watch.
Self Reliance, Hulu. Jake Johnson wrote and direct. Lonely Island (I’m on a Boat) produced. Funny, but also not serious.
Substacks: Many subscribers are not purveyors of this platform, but there is some great writing to absorb.
Writers at Work,
: My go-to for understanding this platform and getting the most out of it. I’ve attended her webinars and they’ve been influential in the development of the Salted WetzelTalebones,
: Part fictional inspiration, part cheerleader, part peculiar observation, I always enjoy the perspective she brings to the platform.The Authorstack,
: Russell is my mind expander for what is possible here and with this side-hustle. I’m not sure if I will ever go as far down the rabbit hole, but at least I know what’s down there.