Worrying is a drug we can't kick
Energy is wasted on what we can't control
Note: Since 2018, I have placed these short quotes on our refrigerator at home to provide subtle hints for successful, thoughtful, and purposeful practices in hopes my teens would internalize them. Along the way, I found them helpful in my own life.
We are less than eight weeks before the election and I’m noticing an increased level of anxiety and tension among my friends, colleagues, and yes, myself.
Of course, there is cause for concern. The candidates for President of the United States offer two vastly different futures for the country and these campaigns, media narratives, and social media missives bombard us with high stakes of good versus evil.
It’s enough to make our stress hormones skyrocket leading us back to the media, social channels, and more to get another hit of this drug that we can’t seem to quit. We try to tell ourselves that we want to stay informed. They tell us this election is the most important in our lifetimes, so we need to tune in for “Breaking News” or the latest analysis entertainment. We scroll on our phones to get “the whole story,” when we are only fed what the algorithm tells us that we want to read.
As more than half of Americans get their news from social media, therapists are seeing more and more patients as a result of this saturation of news and commentary through their intimate relationship with their phones and social media accounts. (APA.org). In addition, as algorithms adapt to personal use, doom scrolling becomes a doom loop. which further leads us toward further worry, stress, and anxiety.
More worry. More anxiety. More fear.
But why do we let it affect us so, particularly in our day-to-day? Is the stress controlling our lives? Shouldn’t we arrange our lives to control our stress?
Worry is the brain playing out the scenarios in order for us to cope with future realities. In our primal minds, worry helped keep us alive and take precautions to keep us safe from predators and other dangers. But overfeed the worry and it becomes debilitating. We feel helpless, which leads to more worry and the cycle continues.
What can we do to manage our worry and our stress?
Control the Controllables.
If the uncontrollable seems to be weighing us down, the best thing is to focus on what we can control. According to Simple Psychology, some steps to bring that focus is to:
Identify what’s within our control and what isn’t
Think about uncertainty in terms of how to respond
Be curious about the underlying causes of our anxiety.
Be realistic and pragmatic about the future.
Don’t suppress the feelings, but accept them, understand them, then move on.
I’ve also seen this diagram to help me identify what I can control, influence, and not control
Focusing on what we can control provides the highest value and helps tamp down the feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed. The second ring is influence. These are factors I can influence. Perhaps I can provide some input that MAY influence an outcome. But it’s not up to me and this can lead to worry if my influence will affect the outcome. The third ring are factors outside of our control or influence, which doesn’t deserve much, if any, attention.
Focus on the internal
With the election coming up, there are so many big picture realities at stake, it’s easy to fall into a doom spiral.
I’ve had to admit to myself the following realities:
I’m not going to change anyone’s minds, particularly on social media. This is obvious, but why do we still try? Either these opinions are made by bots, people you don’t know, or a friend you’re on the verge of unfriending. We might be able to make a point in person but only on a smaller issue with nuanced arguments. And, even then, sometimes “agree to disagree” is the best case scenario.
Media/Social Media aren’t about informing. They’re about generating revenue through anxiety. They’ve monetized outrage and we are a cog in their system. Every click, like, share, view, ratings number is them making money off our own fear. And they know it. And they are exploiting it.
Unless I walk precincts, become a poll worker, or participate in the actual election, my job is done. I know how I’m voting and nothing is going to change my decision. So, why does it matter to watch a debate? Why should I look at the media? I don’t see how wasting my time subjecting myself to worry helps anyone.
Perhaps the work of helping is better than talking about helping. I am the worst of this. I do a great job of saying what’s wrong, but actually putting action to words? I need to act.
In the end, we control our worry and our happiness. In our own sphere, we have little impact on November, other than casting our vote. But the election won’t affect our happiness. Sure, it will affect our circumstances and our situations. But that is all external. How we react is internal. Happiness is internal. We must search within ourselves and control our own controllables to find the happiness.
Side of Mustard
Lose Yourself Review
Last week, I shared that my novel Lose Yourself was named Honorable Mention in the Reader’s Favorite Book Contest.
This week, I’m sharing the review:
Author Vince Wetzel demonstrates his love of baseball and his writing talent in his novel Lose Yourself. A prologue reveals rookie Brett Austen’s debut as a minor league baseball player and his contentious relationship with his demons. The next section begins nine years later and allows readers to gain insight into each of the six characters they’ll come to care about: Brett, who is now a major league player on the brink of a career-enhancing game; Dana Peck, a sports reporter balancing career ambitions with her mom’s health; Fred Stephens, an usher; Will Jenson, a high school sophomore with a crush; Derek Nguyen, a lemonade vendor, and Lizzie Hernandez, whose dad is dying. The narrative excites readers with pregame goings-on and an inning-by-inning escalation of everyone’s situations.
Get yourself a bag of peanuts and a cold beer, then sit back to enjoy the thrills, disappointments, drama, and joy of Vince Wetzel’s Lose Yourself. This baseball novel will simultaneously entertain you with an increasingly exciting baseball game and engage you in the lives of six people at the event. As readers get pulled into Brett Austen’s efforts to break an 80-year record, each inning brings tension, not just for the ballplayer, but in the lives of others: a phone call from a panicked parent in crisis; an unruly fan disrupting an usher’s last day; a gambler’s ups and downs watching sports action; a step-dad trying to build a relationship; and a family standing by at home with a dying dad while one family member is at the game with a mission in mind. Baseball fans will read with thumping hearts, inning by inning, just as they would attending such a game. And when it’s over, readers will want to stand and applaud Wetzel’s work.