Staring down 50... I want to blink.

Crossing a threshold to a new phase has me gripping the doorframe

crossing door threshold to another phase in life

Remember last year at this time, when I shared that the biggest reflection comes as I turn 49? Scratch that.

Or earlier this year, when I said that I need to reimagine midlife? What did I know?

Tomorrow the milestone officially hits. I turn 50. And it is hitting harder than I thought it would. My knuckles are white trying to maintain my grip of everything that’s been my reality for the last twenty years; family, work, school. For the first time, the new decade represents a time of identity change and shift. And a fear of the unknown is unsettling.

As I shared in earlier posts, there was always an expectation awaiting me for the decade. In the 20s, the world is wide open and I will define my place in that world. In my 30s, I’m starting a family and I will be a father do all I can to bring up my children in a loving and productive home. In my 40s, I will prepare my children for adulthood, instilling principles and ideals to help them navigate the world. In my 50s? Gulp.

Sure, my children will still need me, but now it is on their terms, not mine. I’m no longer a caregiver, nor a coach. I’m a consultant, available when they need me, but not to direct them toward the right decisions. That’s a tough transition to make when the stakes are so much higher. A misstep here, and I can’t pull them back into a safe haven to regroup and try again. All I can do is offer support.

And now that I don’t have my thoughts revolving around their activities and transportation needs, what now? I look at my wife. She’s in it with me and thank goodness. What does this empty nest look like? On the surface, it can either be boring or an opportunity. But it won’t be the same and I’m glad we both recognize it and together we’re trying to understand what that means to us collectively and individually.

We realized that our transition has two parts. How do we negotiate our new reality together. Are we still going to eat at the dinner table together or go back to our 20s and pull out TV trays and watch Friends for three hours? Do we go out with friends for live music? Trivia Nights? Are we theater goers? Do we embark on weekend getaways?

Meanwhile, we are rediscovering our own personal identities. We have to discover our personal interests to pursue. “I want to go to pursue painting,” doesn’t necessarily mean the other says, “That sounds like a great idea. I’ll join you.” Personal growth needs a personal journey. It’s all the more fulfilling when the spouse can support and be the cheerleader from the sideline.

I’m leaning into this Substack and writing novels to foster that growth. Creating a new world is providing me space to process and escape. These are low stakes problems for me to solve, allowing me to both to immerse myself into a new reality, while also keeping me from spinning out in this one.

Throughout our lives we have transitions that mold who we are and what our lives will look like. And I am realizing that this one is no different from the others. We are leaving a reality that defined us for one that is unknown. The difference is now we have discovered much of ourselves and the future isn’t as wide. We ask ourselves, “Does my future hold any more surprises?”

How do we take on that question? Do we resign ourselves to our lot, accepting that our happiest moments are behind us? Or, do we challenge the assumption, accepting our new reality and finding ways to push ourselves.

Relaxing my grip on what I’ve known is scary but necessary if this next phase is going to be surprising, fulfilling and full of personal growth. Goodbye 49. Hello 50!

Side of Mustard

Not sure what to get me for my birthday? How about paying it forward by buying a book and sending along to a friend who may need a summer read.

Lose Yourself (2024)

(Available on Amazon, bookshop.org or Buy Direct)

Six People Struggling With Expectations.

One Baseball Game to Find Their Moment.

It's The Final Game of the Season...

All Star Brett Austen has a chance to secure the first .400 batting average for a season in more than 80 years. But increasing pressure and his own hubris threaten the apex of his career.

Meanwhile...

• A sideline reporter wrestles with a choice between career and her mom in crisis.

• A retiring usher takes in his final game before moving in with his son's family.

• A lanky 15 year old can't understand his future stepdad while pining for a girl from school.

• A lemonade vendor agonizes over a big score to settle gambling debts and fulfill his daughter's dreams.

• An adult daughter navigates uncomfortable family dynamics at home while her father lies in hospice.

Will Their Choices Meet the Moment?

Friends In Low Places (2021)

(Available on Amazon, bookshop.org or Buy Direct)

How strong are the bonds of friendship?

In his debut novel, Vince Wetzel explores the evolution of lifelong friendships and how they withstand the strains of human failures.

"A stirring, inspiring celebration of friendship..."The Prairies Book Review

"There is healing in nature, there is reconciliation around the guys that know you best, and the best rejuvenation is 'Friends In Low Places.'" Josh Suchon - author, Miracle Men: Hershiser, Gibson, and the Improbable 1988 Dodgers

"A nostalgic nod to the friendships we hold dear and the kinds of men we've always admired." Jonathan Starke, author of You've Got Something Coming

Jim organized their annual guys trip to the lake. He picked the date. He booked the spot. He even chronicled every adventure over the past 20 years in a ragged notebook. Now, he is a box of ashes that his four closest friends will take up to the lake one last time. Over the course of their final weekend together, they will read Jim's journal through his eyes, reliving their shared laughter, life moments, revelations, and regret while coming to accept their grief.

Friends in Low Places is a funny, poignant, sometimes heartbreaking portrayal of male relationships and the support they provide as boys mature into men.